Steve Does Dallas

Today started off at Goff's with a kickass Goffburger -- the best dang thang I've eaten yet in Texass. Then I drove over to Fair Park, where I viewed the Cotton Bowl and North America's biggest ferris wheel, the Texas Star (above). I desperately wanted to say "howdy" to Big Tex, but apparently he only shows up during the massive State Fair. Then I headed over to Dealey Plaza for a stroll across the grassy knoll (still quite grassy!), where some conspiracy nuts were selling their books and DVDs off a card table. Then it was over to Reunion Tower, perhaps the lamest of all observation decks I've, like, decked. Despite unnecessarily tight security, bad '80s decor, and an overall lousy presentation, the view was the tits. On my way outta town I drove through the infamous triple underpass.

After doing the Big D, I took the scenic route to Austin, via Fort Worth (and a killer BBQ beef sandwich at Angelo's), Dinosaur Valley State Park (seen above, down the road apiece from the Creation Evidence Museum -- Baby Jesus made dinosaurs!), Killeen (site of the Luby's Massacre, whose unprecedented bloodshed was surpassed just last week), Crawford (home of Ted Nugent, and occasionally George W. B-hole), and Waco (home the late David Koresh). Tonight and tomorrow night I'm here in Austin, where I'm anticipating what this much-hyped town has to offer.

Don't fuck with Texas.